Long-Distance Relationships

In 2013, a Pew Research Center survey of “internet users with recent dating experience” showed that nearly 25% of participants had utilized technology to support a long distance relationship. This represents an increase from only 19% in 2005. In 2017, The Economist reported that 3.9 million Americans, aged 18 and over, lived apart from their spouse, up from only 2.7 million in 2000. And, in 2019, a study of 1000 Americans who had at one time been in a long-distance relationship, revealed that over half of these relationships survived the period of distance. Geographically segregated partnerships are on the rise. 

Of course, we can identify plenty of factors contributing to this trend, such as the wide variety of dating apps and online dating services, advances in technology such as video chatting, an increase in women working outside the home, and an increase in dual-career households. But it seems to me as though modern couples are discovering something that God has been trying to tell us all since the beginning of time: covenantal relationships cannot be bound by geography. 

For those of you who cannot imagine living apart from your significant other, or even a best friend or family member, you are not alone. There is a lot of long-distance relationship anxiety in today’s Scriptures. Let’s start with the Old Testament. One of the major theological problems the Israelites struggled with was the physical nature of their God. All the other gods in the Ancient Near East had a clear physical depiction and a designated home. The Israelites have no clues about YHWH’s physical form or whereabouts, so they often filled in those gaps with their own imagination. Hence, the ark in the tent. 

In today’s passage from Exodus, God tells Moses that an angel, or messenger, will accompany the Israelites on their journey. To twenty-first Century Christians familiar with the Holy Spirit, this sounds like the ultimate comfort. To the Israelites, it sounded like abandonment. They did not yet understand their God as one who could transcend time and space, and they were not interested in a long-distance relationship. 

Then, in our Epistle reading today, Paul, Silvanus, and Timothy begin a letter to yet another community for whom they have served as leaders and mentors but from whom they are now separated. These first ten verses are full of affection, praise, encouragement, and reassurance, just like we would expect to hear in correspondence from a modern long-distance relationship. “We always give thanks to God for all of you… we know, brothers and sisters beloved by God that he has chosen you… but in every place your faith in God has become known, so that we have no need to speak about it… how you turned to God from idols, to serve a living and true God, and to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead — Jesus, who rescues us from the wrath that is coming.”

This is one of those wonderful times in the lectionary when we can relate strongly to both the Israelites and the early Church. Thanks to the pandemic, we are in a long distance relationship with almost everyone we know, and with the world as we knew it and long for it to be. Because of our very humanity, we are in a long-distance relationship with the Kingdom of God that is to come. So, if we can’t be in proximity to the people we love, and if the Kingdom of God has not yet fully come into the world, how are we called to be in relationship with one another, in community? What wisdom, if any, can modern, long-distance relationships offer us?

Both our scriptures and our latest statistics show us that communication is key. We’ve all had to get creative and intentional about communication this year: going out of our way to reach out to folks we used to see every day, learning new technology so that the kids can get some face time with their grandparents, raising our voices so that we can be heard through our masks. But what about our relationship with God? This relationship has been tried and tested more than any other this year, so how can we be creative and intentional in our prayers? I will be the first to admit that my prayer life has struggled immensely during this pandemic, and at times, it definitely feels like my relationship with God has gone long-distance. It might be time for me to investigate some new technology and try out some new practices. 

Another piece of wisdom from modern love, and from our ancestors in the faith, has to do with fidelity. The Israelites had endless temptation from other gods, whether from neighboring communities or of their own making. They learned the hard way that even in times of extreme separation anxiety, seeking solace outside of the covenant will never be fulfilling. I’m willing to bet that survey participants whose relationships survived their period of distance would attest to this truth as well.

A third kernel of wisdom we can glean from these two groups is that distance in a covenant does not last forever. This means that it is good and healthy and holy for us to long for and work towards a future where our relationships are even closer and more life-giving than they already are. It’s important for us to dream about the birthday parties we hope to go to again, and it’s very important for us to hold on to hope that the world we live in will someday look more like the Kingdom of Heaven.

Now at this point, you’re probably thinking to yourselves, we’re going to get through this whole sermon without having to think about that tricky, political Gospel passage. Well, I’m sorry to disappoint, but Jesus always has something to say about how to live in community with one another, even if we’re separated by distance, and even when the Pharisees are trying to trap him.

When it comes to community, the world has no shortage of systems set up to help us live in harmony. Systems like legal codes, taxes, and societal norms that vary by culture. These systems have their place, Christ tells us, but they are no substitute for the Kingdom. True, lasting, covenantal relationships are built on a foundation of communication, fidelity, and hope. And of course, they are sustained not by our own cunning and skill, but by the grace of God. 

While I have been inspired by the creativity and intentionality of Christ Church during the pandemic, I am very ready to end this long-distance period with all of you. I can’t wait to give hugs and break bread and put my masks on a shelf. But in the meantime, let’s remember that covenantal relationships can’t be bound by geography. So we’ll continue in our communication with one another. We’ll work to maintain our commitment to our community of faith, and resist seeking solace and comfort in ways we can’t sustain. We’ll remember that despite all the systems we’ve come up with to help us get through this time apart, it will be God who pulls us through. Amen.